The butterflies seemed to have froze to death, and fallen into a dark pit. The very same dark pit that was sucking up all the blushing and nerves and simply, naive giddiness that came with the sweet taste of first love.
In a Relationship
Of course it wouldn't have ended happily.
Hands still shaking, why, she had no clue anymore, she clicked the "exit" button on the screen, and closed her laptop.
How could it be, that merely half a millisecond ago, her hands had been trembling with excitement, stomach fluttering, cheeks flushed, but now dead empty?
Exhaling a quivering breath, she stood up on weak legs and let her feet take her to wherever.
In a Relationship. In a Relationship.
What had happened? How? When? Why?
Why did everything have to come crashing down so terribly, when only yesterday things had finally begun to seem right?
What had she done to receive such a punishment from the heavens above?
Why?
Her head brushed against cold glass as her feet stopped, somewhere. Lifting her gaze heavily to see she was at the door to the garden out back, she blinked. Her mind when on autopilot, as her fingers fumbled with the lock, and her feet once more took over, taking steps, one by one, to the center of the soft green grass.
Somewhere down the street, and happy little bird chirped. A gentle summer breeze rustled the leaves of the many, many blooming trees around her. The sunlight enveloped her skin.
Warmth.
Her hands stretched out in front of her, palms and fingers splayed towards the afternoon sun. Closing her eyes, she drank in the utter, pure warmth it gave her, from her bare feet to her serene face.
Another breeze, this time more demanding, more impatient, told her to go back inside, back to where she belonged, but she ignored it in favor of the precious sunlight. Because, no matter how chilling the breeze was, the bit of lingering warmth the sun still managed to give her was more warmth than anything she could find inside, or anywhere else.
She stayed in that position, eyes closed, pained heart soothed, until the peace was broken by the sound of approaching footsteps.
"Lillian? What are you doing?" a soft voice questioned.
Reluctantly reopening her eyes, she saw her older sister, head tilted in wonder, looking at her.
Her mouth opened and closed, until she had no way but the answer pathetically, "Nothing."
Something flashed in her sister's eyes, and suddenly, the warmth was no longer there, and it felt like the coldness from before was closing in on her, choking her until she couldn't breath.
"Clearly not, if you're just standing here. You never go outside during the afternoon. You're always in your room, on your computer, doing who knows what," her sister retorted, eyes narrowing like a snake, prying and suspicious.
The cold grip on her got tighter.
In a Relationship.
She couldn't speak at all as prickly, icy tears began to shove their way forward from the back of her eyes, wishing for freedom.
In a Relationship. In a Relationship. In a Relationship!
Seeing her quivering lips, her sister's look melted away into pity, and she stepped forward to gently embrace the younger girl. At this point, the tears had been successful in jail-break, and were racing away from her eyes and down her cheeks as she sobbed into her sibling's shoulder.
"He's in a relationship. He's in a relationship. He's in a relationship, Erica, he's in a relationship," she muttered as she cried.
Erica just patted her head, as she let her younger sister cry in her arms, whispering, "I know, sweetie. It's just how love works. You can't do anything about it, but it's not your fault."
And so, the two spent the rest of the afternoon in the garden, standing in the sun until there wasn't any sun left, and letting the girl cry her heart out in the comfort of her sister's arms.
And you know what?
She decided that maybe there was warmth after all. Even if it was only in one person.
Bittersweet taste of newly budded love
Emotions so strong, and fall so hard.
When let down, or broken
The spell can nearly kill.
But it's just how first love works.
And it's nobody's fault.
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