She feels sick, but she knows she isn’t sick all the same.
It’s sort of a burning, raw sensation in the back of her
throat, and a reeling, tossing, turning wheel that won’t settle in her stomach,
especially when she straightens her back. But these feelings of just being sick come and go, so she can’t exactly
really pinpoint whether it’s real or not.
It’s like a sickness that her brain made up just for fun.
Actually, there isn’t a real way to describe this, this
weird, strange, fake (?), feeling. It may rise when she takes a breath in, and
suddenly she gets hit by a wave of vertigo, and she really wants to do something to feel better, such as
retching or taking pain killers, but she’s almost fully sure those won’t work, because,
after all, this is a sickness of the mind and not the body.
She thinks.
When she isn’t thinking about it, it’s almost like it goes
away, but she can’t know for sure, because how does she know whether or not it’s
there if she isn’t thinking about it?
Should she lie down and try to sleep? Ah, but she just woke
up a few hours ago from falling asleep already. What to do, what to do. This
thing has become such a dilemma.
Maybe it’s a sign that something’s wrong and she should
start being more mentally and physically healthy, but this has become her
lifestyle, and she just can’t bring herself to change it, no matter how
self-destructive it might just be. In her opinion, it’s not though, maybe a bit
too lazy but it’s enjoyable and fine and working just the way it is anyways.
Oh well, maybe she’ll just sleep and hope everything will be
gone by tomorrow, like she does for everything else.
After all, that’s what she is best at.
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